let's get real here: the weight debate

Today I'm just going to vent. Sometimes I feel so much better when I can just write (or type) out my feelings.

My pregnancy was smooth sailing. I couldn't have been luckier. I casually exercised at the beginning of my pregnancy, but really let it take a back seat because of how tired I was most of the time. By the time I hit the mid point, I was so used to doing nothing that I continued doing nothing.

I've always had a huge self image problem. I was never thin enough regardless of my weight. I'm pretty sure what I saw in the mirror was not how other people saw me. I currently weigh the most I've ever weighed in my entire life (not pregnant). Not a single thing I wore when I found out I was pregnant with Ryan in January fits today. Part of me knows I had a baby just 10 weeks ago - 7 of which I was not cleared for exercise. But the other part of me feels like this has always been my life. Like I've always had Ryan and I should just be thin again already.

I return to work soon and had to go out and buy new clothes, just so that I didn't have to wear too-big maternity clothes back to work. The size on the tags were like a huge blow to the gut. It made me want to cry.

I'm obsessive compulsive about it. I count calories to death, I work out - but there isn't much more I can do beyond that, but sit and think about how much weight I have to lose and how much time it's going to take. It's terrible. It makes me feel terrible. I always knew this was part of pregnancy. I tried so hard to talk myself through it ahead of time to make it all ok. I'm now realizing just how hard of a time I'm actually having with it.

I've been counting calories for a week and a half now, going to the gym or getting on the treadmill at home. I've registered for a half marathon with a friend who had a baby in July and we're working our way in to training for the June race. I have half of my baby weight to lose still, plus the pounds I was up when I got pregnant. It's going to be a long hard road, and I wish it didn't have to be. 

The Green Monster Smoothie

Sounds good right? Maybe not to some, but I promise it's absolutely delicious.

My smoothie following a 10:30 yoga date last night.

Well over a year ago now I came across a blog called Swell Little Life. Ange was a new mom to Chloe and was determined to live a healthier lifestyle after the birth of her daughter. It's been very rewarding to follow what she has going on in her life. A personal trainer studying to become a holistic nutritionist, at the end of 2010 Ange started Health & Swellbeing. This is one of my top blogs to read daily.

Ange started the Swellbeing Project January 1st and I've really enjoyed following along. I've adopted quite a few new healthy habits and have kept up on my exercising this month. Yoga has been doing me well. One of my favorite posts was the Green Monster Smoothie. Boy, is it a treat after a workout!

Green Monster Smoothie

via Health & Swellbeing

1 cup almond milk

2 cups spinach

1 tbsp hemp protein

1 tbsp rice protein

1 tsp maca powder

1 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp chia seeds

1 frozen banana

1/2 c frozen berries

In a blender combine all ingredients and blend until smooth.

I like using frozen blueberries for my smoothie. My banana is frozen in a sandwich bag for easy use, but before throwing in the freezer, mash between your fingers.

For easiest blending I add in this order; almond milk, all powders and chia seeds, banana, blueberries, and spinach on top. Then blend away!

Ange suggests drinking this smoothie within an hour of your workout. She has a post daily including a video talking about the new challenge for each day. She's adorable and they're so fun to watch. I've learned so much and look forward to the rest of the month! Please check her out!

Honesty out of failure.

I've been dreading this post for a long while now. Trust me, it's been on my mind. Perhaps it's because I don't want to admit I failed because ultimately I made myself accountable by telling you about it. This post this morning made me realize that maybe it was time to come clean. If you run and haven't checked out Amanda's blog, RuntoTheFinish, you're missing out on a fabulous running community.

In June I lost my motivation to run. In that I wasted 6 weeks of dedicated training that pushed me to my limits and proved me I was a good runner. I have a list of excuses I could share, but I feel like all but one was truly a factor. Everything else was stuff I could have gotten over.

I did not run my half marathon in July. The last time I ran was with my dad at the Livestrong event in Seattle. I hadn't run for 3 weeks prior to that race. I'm so thankful I didn't let my dad down. I wavered back and forth the week before the half  knowing I had let my training go and hadn't run more than 8 miles. I feared injuring myself if I pushed it for the sake of pride and in the end I didn't go.

My biggest failure factor is my battle with depression. I was sad, overwhelmed and tired all the time. I just couldn't make myself get out the door. I've struggled on and off with it for years and not until this year did I truly seek treatment. My doctor prescribed me medication a few months back and I saw an immediate improvement with my energy and my desire to be active again. I was over the moon for my half and I trained hard.

Slowly my motivation faded and again I was feeling sad, overwhelmed and tired all the time. You haven't met a professional sleeper until you've owned a cat or have simply met me. I was a month away from my follow up with my doctor and instead of calling to get in early to discuss how I was feeling, I let it go. I can't tell you how big of a mistake that was. When I saw her at my appointment we discussed the best course of action and I've been happy with the results.

I felt embarrassed at first to admit that I was taking depression medication, but I know now I wont take it forever. If you feel you need help, seek help! Don't wait! Your doctor can help you choose the right course of action to get back on the road to recovery. Life is now, in the present. We can't waste our time thinking we'll feel better tomorrow. I'm so thankful that lots of prayer and a little medication has help me feel sane again.

I feel like I'm still in a running rut though I feel 110% better mentally and I hope to get back on the wagon soon. I have a 5k run planned with my parents on Saturday and I hope this is exactly what I need to get back in gear. I will run a half marathon one day. The thought of the challenge gets me so excited. I just don't think this was my year.

Thanks for all of the support and kind words I've gotten about my running, I'll be back at it soon!

9 weeks. And I'm getting nervous.

A week and a half ago I finally decided to commit to running a half marathon. Yikes.

I'm excited, but so nervous. This is going to be the longest distance I've ever run. It will be a test of courage, patience and endurance on my part. Though I have a friend running it, we aren't running together. I'll be doing this on my own. It's all up to me to make it through it.

My husband told me I'm a little too dependent in some areas of our life. Sometimes I need to venture out on my own and have some me time. That's hard for me. I really like to have his support 100% of the time, and I don't often choose activities that don't include him. I have to come to accept that if running is something I want to continue, I'll have to do it without him. The biggest reason being that physically he's unable to run a distance like a half.


Don't panic. Deep breath. You can do it alone.


Oh my. I know it's possible, it's been done before. My biggest running inspirations are Kate, Care & Ange. Care ran the Mercer Island Half in March, you can read about it here. She's awesome.

I've gone back and forth on whether I wanted to mention and document my training. I don't like to be the person who sets out with big goals in mind, announcing it to the world, only to fail publicly. I feel like I've done it on here before with my resolutions at the beginning of the year. I haven't kept up on all of them, but that's a post for another time.

I was encouraged my my coworker and given the advice of using Smart Coach through Runner's World to draw up a training plan. I've got a calendar that started May 9th, up to race day on July 11th. I've already completed my first full week of training! I can't tell you have motivating that is. I itch to run, even on my days off. That's a huge improvement for me! I've been most excited about the leaps and bounds my running ticker has made in the column off to the side. I can't wait to hit the 100 mile mark. I still fully intend to live up to my resolution of running 520 miles this year. I can do it!

Here was my first week:
Sunday: Off
Monday: 2 mile Easy Run - Run easy & slow
Tuesday: 5 mile Long Run - Just make it through!
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: 5 mile Tempo Run - Easy warm up, 3 miles @ 11:00 pace, easy cool down
Friday: Off
Saturday: 2 mile Easy Run - Participated in the Bay View Women's 2 mile Fun Run with Mom!


On the schedule this week:
Sunday: Off
Monday: 3 mile Easy Run
Tuesday: 6 mile Long Run
Wednesday: Off
Thursday: 2 mile Easy Run
Friday: Off
Saturday: 5 mile Speed Run - Easy warm up, 2x1600 with 800 jogs, easy cool down


Does anyone else have a big race planned for the summer months! If so, I'd love to hear about it!

20. Easy "Refried" Black Beans

I've been searching for an easy and perhaps more healthy way of whipping up a batch of refried beans. My search ended after I was inspired by the Food Network.

Best part about this recipe, it only took me 5 minutes to think up with the help of my husband, and prep was even faster. I even made it again to take to work with me that week and topped the beans with tomato & avocado. Yum.

Get out your food processor (or I'm sure a blender would work too), a can of black beans, olive oil, salt, pepper, cumin, cayenne pepper, white wine vinegar & one lime.

Drain your black beans and dump them in the food processor. Add a teaspoon of cumin, a dash of cayenne pepper (more if you like the heat), a splash of white wine vinegar and the juice of a whole lime. Add salt & pepper to taste, drizzle a couple table spoons of olive oil over the top, then blend.

This is a give & take process when it comes to the spices. Add more if you want the heat & spice, add less if you don't. You'll know when it tastes right.

Nice and smooth! You can serve them cold as a dip or throw them in a pan and heat them to serve them as a side dish.

We had ours with enchiladas verdes con pollo. My recipe for the enchildas are to come!

Easy "Refried" Black Beans

1 - 14oz can black beans

2-3 tbsp. olive oil

1 tsp. cumin

1 lime

white wine vinegar

cayenne pepper

salt & pepper

Drain 1 can of black beans and place in a food processor or blender. Add 1 tsp cumin, the juice of 1 lime, a splash of white wine vinegar and the cayenne, salt & pepper to taste. Then add 2 tbsp olive oil & blend until smooth. Less oil will give a chunkier paste & more oil will give a much smoother consistency. It's all up to you!

Enjoy!

Review: Organic Wear

I mentioned here that I had purchased new makeup products from Drugstore.com. I had decided I'd take the route of testing a newer line of organic products I'd seen out. They were a little spendy for what I'm usually willing to pay at Walmart, but when I found the prices to be considerably less online I thought I'd give them a try.

It was mentioned to me (thank you, Mom) that just because a product is labeled as organic, doesn't necessarily mean it is organic. If the ingredients don't say specifically that they are organic then your product may not be 100% organic. As this may have been the case with these products, I chose to do a little research online. I looked at their website, Organic Wear Makeup and was reassured that the products I purchased were either of natural origin with no chemicals added or certified organic.

ECOCERT is the organic certification for cosmetic products (as the USDA does not certify cosmetics, only food). As long has your cosmetic product has this label it meets the standards to be organic. All three of the products in this post hold the ECOCERT label.

The first product is the Organic Wear Natural Bronzer in Natural Glow. The packaging is adorable. The compact is paper and similar to the box my Benefit 10 is packaged in. It has a clean scent, applies evenly and is soft to the touch. It wears well for over 12 hours and at the end of the day it doesn't make my skin feel greasy. I absolutely love this bronzer.

Next is the Organic Wear Eyeliner in Black Woods. I wasn't sure what their clever names were for and then I realized woods stands for brown. Sometimes I'm a little slow. I've always had trouble applying eyeliner until I found this one. I get a smooth line and it blends easily. If you were to rub your eye it would smudge, but it doesn't run on it's own. I avoided wearing eyeliner, but gave this a shot and I was sold.

Last is the Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Mascara in Black (why the long name?). The packaging is a little silly and the wand was a little whimpy. However, wand judgement comes solely from my usual mascara being Bad Gal Lash by Benefit and their wand is huge. Even with the whimpy wand, this mascara gives full, lengthening coverage. It doesn't have a harsh smell and I don't have a problem with clumping or flaking. I'm impressed with the overall look even when my lashes are lacking curl that day. I will definitely buy this product again.

I'm very happy with all three products, which is always nice and unexpected when trying something new. I feel like they're good quality and priced decently for a drugstore brand. I've been able to thin out my makeup bag and the majority of my products are now Organic Wear & Benefit. If you're looking to try something new, I encourage you to spend the money to try these products!

The joys of online shopping

When you live 45 minutes away from a mall or Target... Or even a Fred Meyer (do those exist everywhere?), you start to live by online shopping.

Don't get me wrong, I love online shopping. I get to take as long as I want and I don't have to deal with sales staff asking if they can help me every 2 seconds. Nope, I think I know what I like. Definitely don't need someone picking clothes out for me. Thanks.

After recently talking with my cousin about living a healthier lifestyle, she's encouraged me to start looking in to the world of whole foods & organic products. She's modified her lifestyle and raises her 4 beautiful girls on all whole foods & organic products. If you're looking for a real live pioneer woman, she's it. I think she should blog actually. She's smart & funny. Boy, I love her.

Since I started wearing less makeup after changing my skin care routine, and I had a few products that were due to be replaced soon, I decided I'd look in to a few orgaic makeup products for my replacements.

I visited Drugstore.com for the first time and placed an order for a few things I wear on a daily basis.

Physicians Formula - Organic Wear 100% Natural Origin Mascara in Black

Physicians Formula - Organic Wear Eyeliner in Black Woods

Physicians Formula - Organic Wear Natural Bronzer in Natural Glow

I love the packaging of each piece. When you flip over the bronzer there is a mirror & brush hidden inside. It's quite cute.

I also ordered myself Nature Made Liquid Softgel Prenatal Vitamins.

At my most recent annual appointment my doctor encouraged me to look in to prenatal vitamins rather than a regular multi vitamin. Prenatals have folic acid in addition to a regular multi, and she feels that any adult woman who ever plans to have children should take a prenatal in place of a multi vitamin until she's done having children or has expereienced menopause. Of course, everyone should consult their own doctor on what may be best for them, as this particular approach may not work for everyone.

I figured internet shopping was the perftect time to pick these up. Then I don't have to get the skeptical eye from the cashier at the store when my 26 year old self - who perhaps looks 16 to everyone else - throws prenatals up on the belt. Yeah, that's exactly what goes through my head.

I'm looking forward to trying my new products and hope they work for me in the way my current ones are, if not better. I'll be sure to review how I like them! In the mean time, visit Drugstore.com and check out their prices. They're much lower than I found at my local Walmart and shipping was free with a purchase of $20 or more that day! I'm always a sucker for free shipping.

Dear Yoga, Our relationship starts today

About a month ago I saw that Jillian Michaels was coming out with a new workout dvd. This time it was yoga. And my first thought was, Jillian Michaels instructing yoga? That has to be an oxymoron. I mean, I've never heard of a nice drill instructor. But I like her, so I waited for March 2nd to roll around.

It came out on Tuesday, in which I promptly ordered it from Amazon and it arrived in the mail yesterday.

Boasting two levels, 1 &2. Burn mega calories for a total body workout.

This equals the Jillian Michaels Yoga Meltdown.

Dear Yoga,

Our relationship starts today. We don't know each other, but we will soon. I hope I like you. I'm trying to go in to this open minded, because well, I don't really like most (exercise) right off the bat. Let's see where this takes us. And remember, please be kind.

Sincerely,

Me

I'll be sure to report back on how it went. And I'm honestly hoping well. I've gotta get something done.