Thursday, May 6, 2010

Girlfriends, we all need them. Right?

Maybe we just want them. Either way, I sometimes feel like girlfriends are lacking in my life.

Over my years growing up, I've always felt I'd been burned by every close girlfriend I've ever had. I'd like to credit it to the fact that I was young, trusting, impressionable and naive. It seems as though they've always come and go no matter how much effort I put in to the friendship. At the age of 17, the way I felt caused me to change who I was.

I became honest and outspoken. I began to give up the fear of confrontation and spoke my opinions freely when asked. I've still struggled with caring too much of what people think of me, but not enough to keep me from being honest. I'm not one to just agree if I don't.

I consider the title of best friend to be a little juvenile now-a-days. That could very well be because I easily hold grudges. Though I'd like to say I'm not holding a grudge against my last best friend, when I think about what transpired between the two of us, I still feel like I was wronged. Her and I are still in contact. We talk every few months and travel the hour and a half to see each other once or twice a year, but with the directions our lives have gone our friendship just isn't the same.

I call my husband my best friend now. As I think all marriages should be, he and I love spending time together. We rarely do something without the other and that's simply because we just don't want to. We share the same friends and we feel equally liked as both individuals and a couple. I find it sweet when I mention I don't have a best friend and he inqures to know where his title went. I sure love him.

In the end though, I still wish I had a close girlfriend like I did in my past life. Someone to talk to every day. Someone to run and grab a coffee with just to get out in the sun for a while. Someone to run to the store with just because you feel like ravaging the clearance racks at Target. I still wish I had a girlfriend who I saw every weekend because it was rare that we ever made plans without each other.

I think this just goes to show I'm growing up. I'm two months from 27, I'm married with a busy career. Not everyone has the time that we used to for the same relationships. Instead of taking the women in my life for granted, the ones who care about me and like spending time with me when their schedule allows, I should embrace the fact that I still have girlfriends. Just not the same kind of girlfriend relationship I used to have.

In the end, I think we all need someone. Right?


TheThingAboutDaisies said...

Thank you for writing this. I have been going through this a lot. I've never had an easy time making friends, let alone girl friends. I do have a few female friends that I was once close to, but we've drifted apart. Then there's the whole being burned by people you thought you could trust.
I recently went through a phase where I felt that I didn't have enough friends. This is one reason I hate the military, moving around makes it harder to make and keep friends.
I too really miss the idea of a close girl friend that you can talk to about anything and do anything with, even if it's on a whim. Heck my husband and I just miss having close friends to hang out with. We're a little sad and lonely here right now (cue the sad violin).

I can offer to be a long distance friend (in a very non creepy way that is).

Mrs. D said...

I think many women feel this way but are scared to admit it. Once we move away from college/hometown friends, it's so much harder to make friends and keep the friends we had, as everyone goes their own way, literally and figuratively.
I hope you find a true best girlfriend soon! I'll be a blog buddy, if that helps! :)

Francis said...

I totally know what you mean, it is so hard to find a true and honest frienship! People change as we get older and thats when you realize who your tue firends are.

Care said...

I agree w/ the first poster. I'll be a (not so long distance) e-friend! I too love Target sales and if I am "selling" myself here, I love wine and margaritas and chatting about things other than kids and I hate gossiping about woman, but don't mind gossiping about weird celebrities. LOL!

I was considering writing a post like this. I've had a hard time making "real" friends here. I seem to always make the first effort, you know phone call, playdate, but nothing in return or its just awkward. :/ All my old friends are a bajillion miles away and I miss them, but life moves on and you are right, our husbands take that place that girlfriends used to occupy.

Kate said...

My friendships are definitely different these days. Especially since I had Annika. Two of my very good friends do not have children and another very good friend has two little girls, but she's back at work full-time, so I'm not really in the same place as my girlfriends right now.

I have managed to strike up friendships with other Moms who are at home, which is awesome because we can spend time together during the day and we really 'get' each other. Still, these are not the 'best friend' relationships of highschool days.

Once you're married and have kids, your husband/family become the priority, that's for sure.

It's still nice to have someone you can call to just say hi and shoot the shit!

Or check in on them through their blog and say "Yep, I totally get it!" :)

Cassie said...

I never thought when I first started this blog, that I'd meet so many nice people. It's nice to know that all of you can relate to how life changes as we get older. I'm thankful to be able to keep in contact with each one of you, and I'm thrilled to have each one of you as long distance, or even not so long distance friends :)